Grunt's Day
by KiloWhiskeyOscar
Summary: Taken from the Citadel DLC. After his recent encounter and a subsequent stay at the hospital, Grunt finds himself caught up a day full of unusual activities which include some broken windows, a flaming car... and noodles. All in a day's work for a tank-bred Krogan. POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD.


Disclaimer: Since I played the Mass Effect 3: Citadel DLC, I decided to do this little one-shot featuring everybody's favorite tank-bred Krogan. If you hadn't played the DLC yet, I suggest you do so if you don't want spoilers.

Mass Effect 3 is the property of Bioware and therefore not mine.

* * *

**Grunt's Day**

It sounded like the faint rumbling of an Alliance cruiser's engines. But it wasn't an Alliance cruiser. It was actually the loud snoring and heavy snorting of a sleeping Krogan at Huerta Memorial. This particular Krogan was actually Grunt. Following the incident with the Reaper-controlled Rachni, Commander Shepard sent the tank-bred Krogan to Huerta Memorial to recover. Since then, Grunt had been more-or-less sleeping like a baby; a very large, very loud and sometimes very hungry tank-bred Krogan baby. There were times, like now, that Grunt tended to mumble in his sleep. His mumbling's were often of ugly Rachni Queens or stupid Salarians, not exactly in that order.

The Huerta doctors had tried to get Grunt's armor off of him in order to treat him, but that was much easier said than done. One doctor even tried to stick a needle in his skin through the soft area. But even the softest area that weren't covered in armor or natural plating shattered the tip. Other times when needles were used, Grunt ended up eating the needle. That particular doctor was relieved that Grunt didn't eat him too. Since then, the doctor's were… content to let Grunt sleep.

As he was currently sleeping in his hospital bed, Grunt was stirred by the heavy footfall that belonged to a group. Then the doors slid open and three Krogan burst into the room, knocking over some equipment as they came. Grunt was still asleep, so one of the Krogan tapped his shoulder pad. In response, Grunt shifted around to turn away and continued snoring loudly. The three Krogan looked at each other thoughtfully and decided the best way to wake the tank-bred… was to shove him out of out bed… which they did. Grunt ended up face-planting the floor and he might've done more damage to floor than to himself, because he was suddenly upright and snarling.

"Okay, who's the bastard Salarian that shoved me out of…" he paused once he saw the three Krogan in front of him and loudly asked, "What're you idiots doing here?"

One Krogan stepped forward and replied, "We're here to bust you out, Grunt. A human hospital's no place for a Krogan to recover." The other two Krogan nodded and grumbled.

Grunt smirked a bit and said, "It's about damn time. I was getting bored sleeping in here all the time. But the humans won't let me leave. Any ideas?"

The one Krogan, Grunt forgot his name, stated with confidence, "We're Krogan; we'll figure something out."

* * *

The idea came out to be simple and easy to remember, for a Krogan anyway. The troupe tied a rope around Grunt's large waist and proceeded to start lowering him down the side of the hospital. Grunt didn't seem to object to being lowered down a building. In fact, he actually chuckled at the idea. The rope itself strained under the weight of the tank-bred but it held fast and taut. The three Krogan inside the hospital counted-balanced the weight of the tank-bred with their own. The Krogan farthest from the window noticed and human patient watching them, eyes wide. In response, that Krogan snarled right at her and she backed away.

Meanwhile, Grunt was dangling from his end of the rope, waiting to be lowered down further. He thought about shouting up at his brethren but that would've alert something nearby. Then he glanced into the window where he was hanging and spotted an Asari looking right back at him. She must've been young, a maiden most likely. They locked eyes and not one a single word was uttered, mainly because of the window between them. After a few awkward minutes of exchanging glances, the Asari walked away from the window. Grunt cocked his big head in confusion before looking back up toward his hospital room. No choice now.

"Hey, what's the holdup in there? I can't hang around here forever." He shouted.

"We're working on it, Grunt. But you so damn heavy…"

"Just lower me down."

"What do you think we're doing?"

After five or ten minutes of slowly descending from the building, Grunt noted that he'd barely gotten two stories down from his room. This was getting ridiculous, even for a tank-bred like. The three Krogan in the hospital continued to lower their comrade down the building on the rope while paying absolutely no attention to the fact that the rope was straining against Grunt's weight. Then Grunt was suddenly jerked down. He looked and noticed that the rope was starting to tear up. The other Krogan didn't notice anything amiss and continued to lower Grunt down. Grunt, on the other hand, was jerked down further and further while rope was tearing apart at the sheer weight. Then it snapped.

Grunt's descend from the side was immediate and he took the rope and a few shards of glass down with him. As he fell down, he screamed… or he laughed in joy. It was too hard to determine. Either way, he fell several stories down the side of the building, dropping passed windows that displayed numerous labs.

One particular lab had a Salarian doctor working on a console, while his human assistant was busy reading a datapad. Nothing would've seemed out of the ordinary to either of them. Then without warning, the human assistant saw Grunt falling passed the window, screaming and laughing at the same time. The sight of a Krogan falling from the hospital startled the assistant, while the Salarian doctor paid no attention whatsoever.

He did at least look up from his console screen thoughtfully but soon shook his head and whispered, "Nah!"

Back up in Grunt's hospital room, the three Krogan look out of the broken window to the base of the building. Down below, they spotted a crater and Grunt lying in that crater. "You think he's okay?" one Krogan asked.

The leading Krogan replied, "He's fine."

* * *

Sometime later, Grunt was not only perfectly fine but also strolling through the Presidium with his troupe. Their presence also worried the various people on the Presidium, many of whom remembered the last time Krogan were on the Citadel. Grunt wasn't entirely sure why many of the Volus, Hanar and Asari were going to such great length just to avoid him and his crew. One would think they'd be used to seeing Krogan, or maybe they've never seen a Krogan like Grunt. With his troupe at his side and a bottle of ryncol in his hand, Grunt walked through the Presidium like he owned it. He didn't of course and in addition to the wary looks he and his troupe got from the people there, they also caught the eye of Citadel Security.

Grunt snorted at the C-Sec Officers; one was human while his partner was Turian. While Grunt kept his cool, his troupe was getting a little bit rowdy. They were snarling at the two C-Sec Officers and one of them was even reaching for his Eviscerator shotgun. Grunt was at least able to wave it off and directed his crew to follow him. Ignoring the duo, the troupe continued onward throughout the Presidium while unknowingly starling any one that happened by them. After some time stomping around, the troupe found their way to the Emporium where members of the Council races handled their financial business. Grunt never fully understood why other species had to waste their time counting their credits. Right now, he was starting to get bored again.

"So, what do you guys want to do now?" Grunt asked.

One Krogan gazed around the Presidium and said, "I always wanted to visit the Embassies, you know? See how things work for the humans or the Asari."

Another Krogan added, "I want to visit the Consort."

"The who?" the third Krogan asked.

"I don't know," said the second Krogan. "She's some Asari prostitute that… does… things."

"You never went to see her, did you?" Grunt asked.

"No."

Grunt chuckled to himself while looking around the Emporium for something to do. That was when he noticed Krogan Memorial… and then Grunt cracked a sly grin. "I've got an idea."

Several minutes later, a C-Sec patrol car descended on the Emporium amid calls of trouble near the Krogan Memorial. Two Turian officers emerged out of the car with their standard-issue M-77 Paladins in hand. They were prepared to put do any kind of resistance that might come their way. They just weren't prepared for what they encountered. It wasn't so much trouble near the Krogan Memorial as it was directly on the Memorial; four Krogan were trying to actually climb onto the Memorial. One of the Krogan, a big one, was already at the apex of the statue with his arm raised in triumph and holding a bottle of ryncol. The other three Krogan were struggling to climb onto the statue with some mixed result.

The Turian officers exchanged completely befuddled looks before one of them shouted, "C-Sec. Get off of the Memorial and put your hands behind your heads."

None of the Krogan were paying much attention to the officers save for Grunt, who bellowed, "Hey, you Turians got a camera in those omni-tools? Take a picture of this!"

The officers were fare from amused as they were now at the racing separating the Memorial from the Emporium. They were still trying to figure out how the Krogan managed to avoid having to walk in the lake. The Krogan were still ignoring them and continuing to, apparently, throw a part on top of the statue. This was getting ridiculous in a hurry, so the officers pulled out their Paladins and aimed them at the Krogan. Still, they didn't even bother to register the officer's presence.

"We won't tell you again, Krogan," the same officer snapped. "Get off of the statue right now."

Grunt snarled at the Turians and in one swift motion, leapt from the top of the statue still holding his rincol. The impact of Grunt's drop sent the Turian officers flying to the ground. Grunt didn't advance on the Turians. He just chuckled at them while taking a swig of his ryncol. It tingled on his tongue and then he laughed some more. The Turians recovered and one of them fired his Paladin on Grunt, striking his heavy armor and the unarmored area of his left arm. That turned out to be a big mistake, and Grunt was getting agitated.

"Don't you know who I am," he snapped, pointing at the Turians. "I'M URDNOT GRUNT, BITCH!"

Then without warning, Grunt chucked his ryncol at the officer's car. The bottle landed right by the still active thrusters and ignited in a blaze of fire and smoke. In mere moments, the car was engulfed in fire and Turian officer's hightailed out of there. Grunt watched them run away like they were scared little pyjaks before looked the flaming car. Oddly, Grunt couldn't put his figure on why they didn't leave in their car. It still ran, didn't it? Looking at the car, Grunt had yet another idea.

Another few minutes later, Grunt had taken the still flaming car for a little joyride through the Presidium. His troupe was in the back screaming and shouting in equal parts enthusiasm and fear, one of the two. As if he cared! He still wasn't sure why those Turians take their car and figured they just didn't want the damn thing anymore. Whatever the case, Grunt decided he'd just go right ahead and take it. It wasn't like Shepard or Garrus and that jumpy Quarian girl (he forgot her name) would be trying to stop him.

* * *

So from that point, Grunt drove the flaming car through Presidium before taking it further down into the Wards. Grunt wasn't exactly wise to the Rules of the Road (or the skyline) because he was currently driving against the oncoming traffic. Car after car swerved out of the way of the flaming car, the drivers of said car beeping their horns. The horns annoyed Grunt as much as the cars that zipped by him. What were these idiots doing going the wrong way?

Taking the car into a section of the Wards, Grunt could swear he'd spotted the Normandy SR-2 flying by. Another car was flying in its path for some reason. Grunt was thinking about flying over to check it out. Maybe it was Joker flying the Normandy on a dare from Garrus or Liara. Before he could act, Grunt heard the sirens of C-Sec. Just then, two C-Sec cars flanked Grunt's car on each side. Grinning at the predicament he was suddenly in, Grunt brought the car down further into the Wards with C-Sec hot on his tail. (No pun intended)

Grunt took his flaming getaway car down over a section of the Wards he never to before. It was all too bright for him with neon lights and hundreds of people walking around. He wasn't aware that he'd found his way to Silversun Strip, and he was even less aware of having just passed by Shepard's new apartment. All he was aware was the fact that he was losing the C-Sec cars and laughing manically. But another car suddenly appeared beside his car and the C-Sec officers there began dousing the car with riot foam. The foam got some of the car's exterior and then the interior where Grunt was sitting.

Distracted, Grunt took the car even further into the Strip when he suddenly felt something in the stomach. It was loud grumbling noise and that told Grunt that was suddenly hungry. Now was the time to lose the pyjaks, so Grunt parked (or crashed) his car, still on fire beside a place labeled, _**Noodle House**_, with a stupid looking neon sign of a running Krogan. Grunt stepped out of the car follow by his troupe, also still on fire, and stomped into the place. Apparently, no one was there except for one lowly Salarian. He'd be hiding behind the counter since the car crashed and a huge, flaming Krogan approached the place. He was hoping the Krogan hadn't seen.

"Hey, Salarian…"

_I'm dead, _the Salarian thought before slowly poking his head out from under the counter. "Um… c… can I help you, sir?" he asked while thinking, _Please don't kill me, please don't kill me, please don't kill me._

"Yeah, got something to eat? I'm hungry," Grunt said, looked at himself and added. "And, I'm on fire."

In a flash, the beleaguered Salarian cooked up his very best dish of noodles and passed it to Grunt, along with a large glass of water. Grunt immediately took the glass and splashed the water on himself, but it didn't anything to quell the flames. So, Grunt just went about eating his meal. As soon as he started chewing down on the noodles, a C-Sec car and two more Turians arrived. Don't these birds have anything better to do, Grunt thought as he kept eating his noodles. Then they doused him in riot foam, right when he was enjoying his meal. Still, Grunt didn't react and kept eating and once he finished his meal, he turned to face the Turians. They weren't happy.

Grunt cocked his head to the side curiously and asked, "Is there a problem, Officers?"

* * *

An hour later, Commander Shepard arrived on the scene at the _**Noodle House**_. The first things he noticed were a few C-Sec cars, including one that was on fire. After that mess with his clone almost leaving the Citadel in the Normandy, Shepard was less than in the mood to deal with anything even remotely trivial. Then he noticed a few Turian C-Sec Officers detaining Grunt by the counter of the place. Immediately, Shepard decided that this wasn't going to go well when he approached his former squad mate. As soon as Shepard appeared, Grunt wanted to bear hug him but the birds probably wouldn't let him even try.

"So, Grunt," Shepard folded his arms, and Grunt started to feel small. "Anything you want to tell me about?"

Grunt looked the Turian guarding him and replied, "This clown wants to take me to lock-up. Figured I'd give you a call, straighten this out."

The Turian addressed Shepard, keeping a stoic tone in his voice. "Commander Shepard, I apologize for the intrusion. This Krogan insisted we contact you." Grunt had meanwhile taken a seat at the counter.

_This is going to be good, _Shepard thought before saying, "It's okay, I vouch for him. I'll sign any paperwork you have, Officer." Grunt sneered at another Officer in the meantime.

"Yes, sir." The Officer said before he and his partners save one, dispersed for the moment, leaving Shepard and Grunt alone.

Once they were gone, Shepard looked down on Grunt and asked, "What happened?"

"I don't know," Grunt said. "Drank a bit, left the hospital… broke a few windows."

Shepard cocked an eyebrow. "But you were in the hospital recovering from the Rachni encounter…"

"Yeah, didn't feel like sticking around." Grunt stated.

"Most people stick around to, you know, heal." Shepard added.

"Most people aren't me."

"And, why is C-Sec here?"

Grunt huffed and said, "Guess their precious about some broken glass."

Shepard took a deep breath and even rolled his eyes before choosing his next few words. "Before I sign you out… everybody walked away from this in one piece, right?"

"Sure, yeah, everybody's fine," Grunt said. "Hospital's seen better days, though."

"Right," Shepard said and unfolded his arms while the Turian Officer handed him a datapad. "Tell about the windows."

"A couple of squad mates broke me out for my birthday; tried lowering me down the side of the building on a rope. It… didn't work out." Grunt explained while he had a flashback of falling from the window.

"It's your birthday?" Shepard asked.

"No, I'm tank-bred, remember. Anyway, we got some pictures on the Krogan Memorial." Grunt explained while he had another flashback of his shenanigans.

"In the Presidium…?" Shepard cringingly asked.

"Yeah. When C-Sec got there, they were mad. Or maybe they were mad about their car being on fire. Can't remember." Grunt said.

"Why was it on fire?" Shepard asked while he thought, _I can't wait to hear this one._

Grunt looked about ready to chuckle when he replied, "I threw my bottle of ryncol at it. Pretty strong stuff—went up like a bonfire," Grunt finally chuckled while Shepard just eyed him. Grunt continued his bizarre explanation from there. "The C-Sec guys jumped out. Then, I figured they didn't want it so I took it. We didn't get very far before they shut us down; sprayed us down with riot foam. Didn't work so well on me."

Shepard didn't show, but he was on the verge of laughing hysterically. Keeping his composer, he said, "And, why's that?"

Grunt leaned forward and replied, "'Cause I was on fire. You know, from the car. C'mon, Shepard, keep up."

"Right, sorry," Shepard said, and he figured he might as well play along. "So, how did they catch you?"

"Got hungry. Bought some noodles." Grunt replied, and Shepard was laughing on the inside of himself.

Shepard wasn't at all surprised. This was Grunt, the tank-bred perfect Krogan of Warlock Okeer and part of Clan Urdnot. This was the Krogan that helped Shepard defeat the Collectors and rescued him from the Reaper-controlled Rachni. Hell, Grunt killed a damn Thresher Maw on Tuchanka, the first Krogan to accomplish that feat since Wrex. And, here was Grunt, in trouble with the law and Shepard had to bail him out. He didn't know if it was either funny or sad.

"Let me handle this," Shepard said and faced the Turian C-Sec Officer. "Officer, this Krogan is part of a secret Spectre taskforce; Operation… Fire Cobra Claw."

The Turian Officer was clearly more than a little skeptical as he repeated the phrase, "Operation: Fire Cobra Claw?!"

_Worst… name… ever, _Shepard though before replied, "That's right. I can take it from here. Send me the bill for any damages."

"That's what you've been signing for, Commander," the Officer stated and turned to Grunt. "You're lucky, Krogan. Don't let me catch up here again." Then he walked away.

"You won't. Thank you, Officer," Shepard replied while Grunt stood up next to him. As they watched the Turian depart, Shepard cracked a sly grin and asked, "So… how where those noodles?"

Grunt grinned and replied, "A little spicy. How was your day, Shepard?"

"Same old shit; fell through a fish tank, fought an evil clone… and… saved the Normandy with a toothbrush. Broke the toothbrush." Shepard explained in some vague detail.

"You humans get to break everything." Grunt replied.

Shepard was grinning from ear to ear at that point and replied, "I love you, Grunt."

Grunt simply responded, "Heh-heh-heh."

* * *

Author's note: I'm sorry, I just had to do this after playing the Citadel DLC. Grunt had me rolling on the floor with his antics, another reason why he's one of my favorite Mass Effect characters. (Behind Tali)

Basically, I described his somewhat childish but comical shenanigans while on the Citadel. The dialogue in the final scene is largely unchange but I made some minor addition. I even threw in a Juggernaut bit. Again, I recommend playing the DLC before reading to avoid any spoilers, but that's up to you.

Send some feedback.


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